So so so many news reports, articles, stories, and movies are devoted to the ending of a once vibrant relationship. Endless, literally endless, retellings of something that was once so exciting and delicious but is now just crap. Crap, I tell ‘ya! I’ Let’s break-up. Get a divorce. Go our separate ways. I think I love somebody else. I just want to be free. Leave me be. Get the heck out. You’re a slob. You spend money like crazy. You drink too much. You gambled away our house. Whatever the reason on the spectrum of reasons, wanting to release ourselves of the responsibility of being in a relationship with another person in our lives is one of the most common maladies of human existence.
I’ve totally given up the hope of people being able to work our their problems and maintaining a life partnership. Very few really want to turn back the clock and try to go back to ‘that lovin’ feeling’ once they’ve set their sites on that ultimate prison break. Keeping it going, respecting the relationship, or whatever I had in my little pea brain is going, Going, GONE… I’ve been fortunate to not have been faced with this issue in my life so I speak from relative ignorance. I do know and have observed this one thing. The way in which we deal with our issues is at question. At best it takes the form of indifference and a lack of a fostered interest in the other person. At the worst its plotting to kill the party of which we’ve grown weary. Thinking if only that person did not exist, I wouldn’t have to split up any of our stuff, move, worry about a divorce, custody, alimony, child support, etc. To that I say, “What the bloody hell is wrong with you??!!?? Life is not easy, it is messy, it is complicated, and each of us has to deal with those realities in a decent and rational manner.
The love you, hate you relationship issues we all have either been part of or witness to perpetuates and elevates the ever more present ‘disposable people’ syndrome. If we tire of or have an issue with a pet, we can take them to the shelter or give them away; but people — well, that’s a whole different thing altogether.
When you met the person you were attracted to you both were leading separate lives. Now that you have merged your life with another’s, maybe had children, found out you weren’t as compatible as you thought, and for whatever reason, you want out. You want to go in a different direction. It can be messy and most often is complex, but just throwing someone out or turning your back on them or, God forbid, entertaining the thought of killing them is horrendous. Just where did your self-centeredness skew into demonized rabbit-holed madness? It’s as if each person completely throws out any sense of how or who that other person is and what they mean to others besides themselves. Very few people are completely and totally without family and friends who were in their lives prior to the relationship that is now ending. Why let hate seep so deep into your heart enough to ever want to do the other person harm — emotionally or physically? That person had a life before you, with you, and should now be allowed to have one after you. Get over yourselves and honor who you were, who you are, what you did have, any children you may have had, hammer out the issues, property, visitation, whatever needs to be decided in a sensible and reasonable manner. Rejection is heart-breaking and humiliating, but it happens to everyone at one time or another. Nobody likes it, but everybody should be allowed to survive it. Be gracious and classy. Each person deserves a good life. As Elvis so simply sang, “Don’t be cruel.” … Sandy