The celebrity hook-up. Now there’s something we’re all familiar with. There is a national obsession with celebrity hook-ups. As a culture we’re all a little OCD about it, I think. Who’s hooking up? Who’s breaking up? Who’s getting back together? How long do we think they’ll stay together? I heard they met at the Farmers Market about a month ago and were introduced by Harry Stiles. It looks like they went to Wolfgang Puck’s for dinner and somebody said they were getting pretty cozy. Look. The paparazzi has a picture of them hiding their faces driving away in an Escalade. Do you think they’ll get engaged? Wow, they got engaged over the holidays. That may be a mistake if things don’t work out that’ll always be on their minds at that time of the year. Goodness, will you look at that ring? It’s kind of gaudy. I don’t think I’d want to wear that all the time. When do you think they’ll get married? Do we know where they’re getting married? I hope it’s in the summer that way it can be outside. Will it be a big wedding or a small wedding? Knowing her, I bet she wants a big wedding because I hear she likes to party with the best of them. I think he’s a drinker too though. Who did they invite? I heard they’re not going to invite his brother because they haven’t spoken in years. Who designed that wedding dress. It’s kind of low cut for her. She’s hanging out of the dang thing. I bet it’s not a Vera Wang. I wouldn’t have said ‘yes’ to that dress. The ceremony looked nice, and that cake was to die for. I saw a picture of them in Mexico on their honeymoon. She could wear a couple of bandages that would cover more than that bikini. He looks like he may be developing a dad body. They’re having fun it looks like. He’s already doing a movie in the Ukraine. Do you think they’re spending enough time together? My girlfriend thinks they spend too much time together. Who’s taking bets on how long this thing will last? I think she’s had some work done. Those lips are way bigger. Do you think they’ll ever have a baby? I mean, it’s been 2 years! I heard the other day that she’s pregnant! Hooray, I bet that baby will be cute! I think she’s about 4 months along. When did maternity clothes start looking like Skanks R Us? Can you believe how big she’s gotten? That baby is due any day. They came out and said it was going to be a girl. I wonder what they’ll name it. Probably some Hollywood name like Cupcake Dreams or something equally dumb. It’s the kid who suffers. The delivery went well, I can’t wait to see the first pictures of the baby. Awwwww….. isn’t little Dawndie adorable? Look at all that hair! I saw a picture of her going into her yoga class. She’s lost most of her baby weight already. I’m still carrying mine, and my youngest is 35. Did you get a glimpse on TV last night of the picture of her looking drunk coming out of that party? And with a baby at home. It’s always the kids that suffer. I hear there’s some problems in the marriage, poor kid she’s the ones who will really suffer. You can’t say we didn’t see that one coming. Especially after he was in the Ukraine so long filming A Few Dead Soldiers. It’s too bad about the divorce. I remember when they first met. Who’s going to get the house in Los Angeles and the apartment in New York? I’d want to stay in LA where it’s warm. I can only imagine how much child support will be. While I was in line at the grocery yesterday I saw a picture of her with another guy. Looks like she’s out to snag another husband. You should have seen what she was wearing; or should I say, not wearing. Wait a minute… did she have her lips plumped up? I hear he’s seeing someone new. I heard it’s not with another woman. I kinda thought there might be something else going on there. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Oh look. They’re hooking up and it sounds like they may be serious. Really? How do you think the ex is going to react to that. She really shouldn’t have anything to say about it since she’s seeing someone else too. It’s always the kids who suffer.
What the heck-oh-gee-whiz is wrong with all of us? Why do we care one little itty bitty bit what any of those people are doing? We’ll never meet them, know them, have anything to do with them. To us they’re virtual people we watch like it’s a live soap opera. We make catty comments about how they look or dress while we’re sitting on the couch with a bag of Scoops in an Old Navy hoodie with cat hair all over it, old elastic waistband jeans with a little paint on the knee, hair frizzed and sticking up everywhere, no make-up, and Homer Simpson slippers. To us they are virtual people we watch like it’s a live soap opera. They don’t even know we exist, yet we hate that they cut their bangs AGAIN. They’ll jus never learn. Nothing they do affects our lives in any way, adds anything to how we live. So why do we care at all? It’s become a sickness from which we may never recover.
Now that that’s out of the way, “I think there’s a new episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians on tonight before the Golden Globes. I hope Brad and Angelina show up. She always looks gorgeous, but might be a little too thin… Sandy